Hi, my name is Michelle, and I am fat. I am a horrible person.

Thank you.

Current Mood: hurt

I'm going to have to really try to make sure the chi in my home is right in the future. It seems to make a difference.

I'm sure I was going to say something extraordinarily profound, but I can't remember what it was. So I'll say someone else's profoundness.

"What we think, we become." -Buddha

Current Mood: groggy

Am I the only person who just about cries from horror watching American Idol auditions?

Well, class starts tomorrow, which will be a heavily rainy day, for joy. I'll be going back to Murfreesboro tonight, so we'll see how that goes.

I still haven't lined up a place yet. I may have to end up commuting for at least a month, which I'm not looking forward to. I would carpool with Kim, but I think she still has an 8am class, and that ain't flying with this bird. At least, not yet.

I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my things while I'm apartmentless (if I will be). I'll see if Jennifer wants the couch, side tables, microwaves, and the bookcases she's using. I'm not sure if I'll have to bring the dining room table with me to Columbia or not. I'm going to look into small storage prices. If it isn't bad, I'll do that, since it should be a month's charge, two at most.


I wish most of us felt more appreciative of things. Our culture works against us so very hard to make us not...

“Base your decisions on your life, the life you want to lead, not someone else’s life or the life others think you should lead.” - It’s All In Your Head

Current Mood: pensive

It fascinates me that I still blog even though I know no one ever reads it. :)

I'm trying to decide if I want a cat or a hedgehog for a pet. I never considered a hog before, but they're SO cuuuuuuuute! I figured they would be difficult to care for, but they aren't. Actually, it's a lot like a cat. They eat cat food and use a litter box. They don't smell, as many small animals do. I have a while to make a choice, since it'll about March before I move. I want one now, though. :) Cuuuuute!

Saturday will be fun. My first New Year's with my gay boys! Who am I going to kiss? o.0

Current Mood: tired

This is something interesting and kind of disturbing to me. It's not something I've really thought about too much before, as, having never experienced it within myself, it's something that's completely foreign to me. Begrudging people their happiness. This blows my little pea brain...

Current Mood: curious

...and you have to take non-cal based physics, get Pavlina Pike as your lab instructor. She's an absolute sweetheart.

Current Mood: chipper

I've always known I'm spoiled. It ain't hard to see. It's really showing itself in my current search.

I should be studying. I almost don't care what I make in my physics class anymore. I'm that tired of it.

Current Mood: apathetic

In case a certain someone is wondering why I've been quiet on certain matters (and reading this at all), it's for what you would consider good reason. Most people - especially lately, it seems - would rather not hear what I want to say about things. I've been trying very hard not to give in to idiot compassion. So I remain almost silent.

Actually, it's not that hard. I don't usually even have the impulse anymore (which is actually a rather good thing); the main issue is that I feel socially that I should still be trying to pander to people's egos. See, I (and others) have found that people only like to hear what the want to hear, not what they need to hear. While it's harder to listen to, as long as defensiveness doesn't get in the way and it's taken as it's mean, to help, it's far more useful. What people think they want to hear can often just exacerbate the problem. The truth, hard as it can be, is far more helpful...in truth, there is knowledge, eventual understanding and healing. We so often never get to the root of what the real issue is, and suffering is prolonged when it is so unnecessary. Unfortunately, most of the time when people hear that truth, their indignity flares up and their ears mysteriously plug up with some invisible substance - or maybe there's a psychosomatic response and earwax is overproduced at an amazingly quick rate.

My new-found, no-bullshit reactions are making me a very quiet person. It's difficult to find a way to temper true compassion into something palatable to someone who isn't really into that. When someone is so attached to their ego as so many of us are, they allow it to fight hard against waking up and seeing how things really are. The ego's purpose is to strengthen itself, so when it sees a threat to its supremacy over them, it tries very hard to make them not really hear and learn. That's actually the root of the suffering of the human condition. We become mired in our ego and become so very, very petty, sad, and blind.

I'm not a good teacher, though, and completely suck as a motivator. I just have to remind myself that I can only do what I can, and others must make their own mistakes. I just hope that no one expects prolonged pity over anything that isn't truly pitiable (not directed at anyone in particular), as I don't expect or want that from anyone else in regards to myself. I only hope that people will do their best.

Current Mood: meditative

No one reads this, do they?

Current Mood: agitated about other things